nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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