I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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