some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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