By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
