If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
