You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
