Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
