Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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