i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
