I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
