i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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