Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
