3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I looked at my own cervix.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
