Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
