Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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