Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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