just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
