I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
