When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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