anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I did not marry a roomba.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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