I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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