i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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