Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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