So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
