so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
