I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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