I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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