why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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