It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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