Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
