You just made me feel so damn special
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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