I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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