I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
