we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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