Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
