Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
