The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
