Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize