his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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