My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
