You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
