Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
