Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
