Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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