We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
