Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
