By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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