Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they need to just BURY HIM!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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