I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
