Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
