kristin has been a bad kristin
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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