I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
