If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
