I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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