Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
