Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
