just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
