I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
