woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
