I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
