i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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