I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
