I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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