Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
