I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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