If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
