Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
