why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
