Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
