I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
