but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
