Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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