thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
