He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
