I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
