the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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