Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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