I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have feelings that need drinking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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