Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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