he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
