Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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