Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
