I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
