belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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